Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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