i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
