We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
