Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
