i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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