yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
