when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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