I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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