Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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