I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
