I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
