@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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