one two three fourrrrnication!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
