dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
