I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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