My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
