I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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