What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
