This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
