look no pants
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
