i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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