Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
