Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
