So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
