I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
