You're my little dorito
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
