this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
