I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
