I want to walk on stilts...naked
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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