before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
