I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
