Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's like iHOP with fire
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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