My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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