i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
