i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
