just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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