i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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