Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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