Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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