I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
