How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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