How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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