Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
