ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
