So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize