Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
