even my farts smell like vagina
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
