She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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