You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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