I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
