This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
