i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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