You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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