I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
