One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
there is glitter all over my balls
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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