Pants 0. Shit 1.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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