So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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