separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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