Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize