I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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