ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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