Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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