help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
