I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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