Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
