NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
